Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Tuesday 1/24 Greensboro, North Carolina Auditions

So the producers of Idol had a hunch that they should be hitting the smalltown of Greensboro, NC for an audition. Home of Clay Aiken and Fantasia "BORING" OH. I'm sure they had a hunch that they may find more talented performers. But I'm sure they also saw the potential that a small southern town may provide in the UNTALENTED VARIETY. I was trying to get shorter with these recaps because the Auditions are not even the reason for this Blog. But they are making it too difficult for me not to discuss this stuff! But I will still try to be brief. For all of our sakes!


Yes, we had Sabrina the Teenage Witch kick things off JERRY SPRINGER STYLE....as the whole waiting room laughed at her. WE had Cachet the shower singer who should get a soundproof shower curtain. WE had TUX Boy Journeyman who made up a 5th grade posterboard presentation that claimed he'd do anything except kiss Simon (and added MAYBE Randy....?????) that had Simon asking him for a coffee and Randy asking how the Prime Rib was. There was Choir Boy Donny that butchered Bridge Over Troubled Water and his Mom got a taste of what she's NOT been hearing her son do since he was 8. We even met the Incredible Hulk's wife! There was Brian singing Uncle Cracker with Michael Jackson Hiccups. And of course the guy from the commercials doing THRILLER and trying to dance like Michael Jackson. Don't get me started on Aladdin and his Magic Carpet! And I gotta say....I laughed through it all (except thriller guy). But we had also seen it all.

In the 2 hours of Idol tonight...here were the standouts for me

Bottom 3

3. Rhonetta - They hyped this girl up too much as the new person we'll be talking about. Her audition wasn't even that funny or interesting. It was really her attire (silver sparkly boots to match top that doesn't fit??) and her antics AFTER she got rejected by our infamous judges. For some unknown reason she went off on Paula and her being a HAS-BEEN....even though Paula barely said anything in the audition except offer her bubbly water. But I couldn't help but feel that this was all staged and urged on by the producers.....especially after she said "Bow Down To me Cause I am the S**t" and then let out a little innocent laugh and walked away from the camera. Sorry...i didn't buy it!

2. Cedric Robinson - Supposedly related to Fantasia strolls in with a "whatever" attitude....a little heavier than the usual contestant. Obviously...we're meant to think this guy is gonna bring out the goods. Then came the squealing and our favorite FINGER SNAPPING/Foot Stomping rendition of "Chain of Fools." I gotta say...as many times as we get the High squealing guy....It never gets old on me. I laughed! And Simon said one of my favorite phrases that I was starting to think I just made up ...."It was absoloooootely dreadfooool" "But I've been singing since i was 3!" Simon: "you're voice hasn't changed much!" niiiiice.

1. Marcus "Kanye West" - This dude comes in sporting his collared up Orange Polo tucked in the front...out in the back. Classic Kanye. He's saying how people compare him to Usher. And then says he's going to belt out some Michael Jackson. For some reason, I believed him.....and then came the most ridiculous sound anyone has ever heard....with the longest unnecessary notes making the song into something brand new. all the judges lost it....even Paula....they were all laughing at this guy. then he sings...." i don't know whether to laugh or cry"......well then that's when I lost it! I was doing the "can't breathe" laughing on this guy.... it was just so ridiculous! Simon asked "what the hell was that?" and Kanye says he was taking lessons from the Randy and Paula DVD. (gotta say...never knew it existed until Marcus pulled out the copy http://www.oldies.com/product/view.cfm/id_0103D.html see for yourself!!) I thought he was cracking a joke....but Simon was genuinely laughing and saying "I rest my case!" They let the audition go on for a bit more...let kanye sing a second song....not as funny as the first. But the damage is done....and Simon has a Happy Birthday. And Marcus smashes the DVD. Outstanding. I rank this guy right up with William Hung.

Okay...new part of our Blog...we're going to keep track of PAULA-isms, Randy-isms, and Simon-isms I'm sure we're going to have a bunch! Today we got a few gems from Paula

"That was really creepy....and limber!"
"I like the conviction in your voice. You're infectious!"
when discussing someone's potential in their voice "if cultivated right....."

ahhh Paula...what would we do without you?


Alright...we saw a lot of good talent in Greensboro....and the judges were funnier than ever. I'll list them all...but there's only 2 that really caught my eye.

Halicia Thompson - 15 family members with her ....sang "It's a Different World" clapping through the whole thing (ugh). Simon says she's a natural talent...then she says she has to kiss him and she brings out a plastic hair cover....what????? She was alright....I'll wait to see more of her.

Kendra Wilson - she had an interview..we knew she was in. You know the drill. Bad Husband, 10,000 illegitimate kids and now reformed and ready to start a new chapter in life. She really wasn't that good....and Randy pointed out his favorite thing...."there were some pitch problems!" Simon didn't like her...and somehow she made it through. I saw too much Fantasia in her to even give her the time of day.

Kenneth "call me CHASE" Bush - Talked like a girl...looked like an ugly guy....sang pretty damn well though. But he sang Whitney Houston...one of many guys that tried to tackle her this season. But he did it well enough to get 2 Yes's and get to Hollywood. (I'll give you one guess on who said no)

Jeffrey "Ryan" Baysden - sang "God Bless the Broken Road" (lot of people did this season after Carrie did it last year). Very country....definitely a good singer. I heard some "Pitchiness" though Randy...why didn'tyou call him out??

Tyra Juliette - 24 - Boyfriend cheated on her while she trained down to NC. She sings well....gets in. Kinda looks like Fran Drescher. (or however you spell it)....we'll see if she's got the goods. Simon says she'll clean up well.

Jordan Sutherland - Fireman - Sings Simon's favorite Josh Groban song "Raise Me Up" Unfortunately I heard some Clay in this guy. He doesn't have the looks but maybe Hollywood can help him out. Simon and Paula let him get through.... Keep an eye out on this guy. I think it can go either very well for him...or not well at all. There is no middle ground!

Stephen David Jr. - Military Guy - Gotta admit...I saw this guy in the waiting room when Seacrest asked the crowd if the next idol was coming from Greensboro.....he did the whole Arsenio Hall "HOO HOO HOO HOO...yeah I'm the greatest" reaction while screaming. I was laughing my butt off. So my expectations were pretty low when he got in front of the judges. But he exuded confidence and demanded Paula dance with him if he was going to get through. (Did I just say Exuded???) He belted out some Marvin Gaye "Let's Get it On" and Randy and Simon escorted Paula to the Audition floor to dance it out with Stevey... But the best part of the whole thing was Randy dancing with himself in the corner! This almost rivaled my laughter of the Marcus debacle tonight! And after this audition...the only notes I had written down was the following "WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS SHOW???" i just don't know ....

Now my favorite 2 of the Night.

Paris Bennett - 17 - granddaughter of famed singer Ann Nesby (should I have heard of her??) She whips out some Dixie Chicks and sings it very well...but she wowed all the judges and America with some Billie Holiday, "Take Five." I've jammed out to that song with my piano for ages...and never knew it had lyrics! good stuff. Paula "we are truly blessed by your greatness".....oh man....stop kissing up! The girl has the goods...no doubt. She'll make a good run on this show...

Kellie Pickler - 19 Let's stroll down Mike's Blog memory lane for what I said about the girl who sang Kelly Clarkson's "Since U Been Gone" in our Season 5 Audition Preview:

There's the girl that sang Kelly Clarkson's "Since U Been Gone" and rocked it (we haven't seen her audition, but she's an early favorite for me....But I'm sure they'll be pushing for a guy to win this year

Well, I'm not changing my stance. Seeing this girl's personality...her little interview showing her working at the restaurant where she rollerskates food out to people's cars. Daddy's drug problems putting him in and out of jail..... She won me over. She just seems to have the full package. But at the same time...she's a Kelly Clarkson/Carrie Underwood combined Clone. Not sure if she'll get voted through to the end. But...let's be honest...I've never rooted for a guy to win this competition. She's my "ROOT FOR"pick for now. (i'm 2 for 4 with my early on "root for" picks. Season 1 - KC, Season 2 Julia Dematto (whoops!), Season 3 CamillaV____ (what's her face!), Season 4 Carrie) But my ROOT FOR pick is different than my choice for American Idol winner.

Okay...I know I'm boring you with my self-justification for past blunders. One more note before we close up this edition of the blog. Thank you Idol producers for finally pointing out that Simon says the same thing over and over and over and over..... "I'm not being Rude" and "If I'm being Totally Honest" I really thought I was the only one catching onto this!

Sorry once again for being long! The pot is up to 20 bucks on if next blog will be over or under 1500 words. Until then....see you in San Fran!

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