Tuesday, January 31, 2006

1/31 - Las Vegas Auditions

Here we are in the 50th week of auditions and our 2nd survey of every American in existence to determine what 12 will embarrass the country a little further for the next few months! That's right kids...we were in Las Vegas, Nevada tonight to witness some horrendous performances, some staged awfulness, and little opportunity to see anything that resembles talent. That's the NEW format of American Idol. They're giving us 3 jam packed weeks of 80% AWFUL and 20% Pretty Darn Good. And even with the good talent...they're just ripping them apart. Well, I've made no secret about this...I'm tired of the audition rounds. Some people live for it...not me...thank God there's only one more.

One other thing to note. The Brittenum Twins (Derrell and Terrell) have ultimately gone the way of Frenchie and many other idol contestants who got kicked off the show before getting a chance to make a decent run. They were early picks for me...but in true Memphis fashion, they just weren't the role models that our children need in life. Nope, leave that to Baby Mama Fantasia BORING-oh! Personally...I'd prefer encouraging some Grand Theft Auto over Teenage Parenthood....but who am I to decide the moral values of this show?

Speaking of Moral Values - let's get on with it!


Not many Bad stand-outs tonight, just a consistent flow of crap (sorry for the visual, hope you weren't eating!). There was the JAMAICAN GOOD MUSIC guy trying to get his 15 minutes of fame. But boy...could he turn on the waterworks for the cameras claiming that he should've been himself and not done a gimmick to sell himself. Maybe he was sincere...but seriously? A DREADLOCK wig and an awful jamaican accent when you're from Bakersfield, CA? Sorry BRO DAH!!!!

Simon was full of quick FIRINGS tonight. In true Statue of Liberty Guy similarity- there was the guy dressed as a Joker. Simon says "Thank you...it's a no!" before he even got through the door. Also, Crazy Knife Stabber returned from last year to audition sporting a new look. I was sold with his golden flowing Mullet. Not so much for Simon who gave him a "Mental No" before even letting him start. Needless to say MULLETSGALORE.com (yeah it's a site) screeched away in his 1986 Ford Tempo....maybe next year.

Speaking of Returnees....remember that crazy Psychic lady that came with her mom and couldn't sing a lick? Well apparently this means she foresaw herself becoming a music manager for her little sister.....What was determined was that they should "Cancel Singing in the family." Thanks Dawg! Simon delivered the zinger though when he simply begged "Don't come back! Why can't you just watch next year?"

Then there was "I'm not a family guy" Ryan Hart who sang some death metal for the judges of our FAMILY SHOW (you know...the morals and stuff)....He dropped some F bombs throughout the audition process.....and let out his "possessed by Satan" screaming.....when he got the bad news...he claimed that he's "too hardcore for" Simon. And then we got to hear the judges mimic him. oh joy!

There was Pepe the Gondola guy....who sang pretty well but didn't cut it for Simon and Paula. There was Anthony from New Jersey who had 75 Animals and 750 pounds to spare... He sang a few good notes....but when you accompany them with screeching noise...it doesn't make for a great audition! We got our PITCHY comments from Randy....we got our denial from Anthony....and we got another 1-liner from Simon in the post-audition clip "Thank god he didn't make it because we couldn't afford the food bill!" Yep folks...that's just how it is this year on American Idol! What a morally correct show! Hey...I'm not complaining!

Bottom 2

Princess Brewer (Yep...real name) - Paula says "tell us about yourself" Princess says "I'm Blunt, Sassy, and a Perfectionist!" Well, our Sassy Princess compared herself to Aretha. She never DID say Franklin....so maybe there is an Aretha out there that sounds like her. But it sounded pretty unique to me! I wrote down a note to explain what she sounded like but all I got was "how do you explain that?" You pretty much just knew 2 notes...and never wanted to make the effort to hit the high notes. My bad...she DID try to hit them...but all that effort and all that came out was a louder one of those 2 notes! Oh...good times! Simon kept muttering to "Shut her up! PLEASE!!!" and informed Princess of the duration of pain "Just when you think it couldn't get worse....it did!"

Haggai Yeddiya - Ladies and gentlemen the winner of American Idol 2006......HAGGAI YEDDIYA!!!! Yeah...didn't sound right to me either! We knew we were in trouble when our broken English buddy told Ryan Seacrest "You have beautiful eyes." Naturally, his goal was to win over the judges with eye contact. Instead we got a theatrical version of Lee Greenwood's patriotic "God Bless the USA" Our boy who claims to have "Perfect Pitch" I would compare to sounding something like Jimmy Fallon portraying Enrique Iglesias on Crack. And that "ladies and gentlemen" is award worthy in itself!


Well since only 3 made it in that we saw...there's only 3 to talk about!

Heather "cuffs" Ward - Not someone you'd expect to belt out some country but this Cop Girl (I don't know if she's a cop or just works at a jail or something...wasn't paying attention!) came in sporting a cowboy hat and going to town with Gretchen Wilson's "Redneck Woman" and did a good job with it. Paula tries to be hard on a contestant saying that the "song's melody was too easy." Need we remind the audience that Paula sang "Opposites Attract?" Paula...want to take 2 steps back? Simon and Randy let the lady in. Too early for me to tell how serious of a threat she is in the competition.

Mecca Madison - Belly Dancer - Definitely a good voice... Simon claimed a better recording voice than a live voice. But the voice complete with the hip/fresh look (and not to mention she's a belly dancer!)..it was too good for them to pass up. Again...didn't see a top 12 threat right off the bat....but I think they're going to give America a chance to vote her into that top 12.

Taylor Hicks "The Grey Haired Wonder" - Bear with me...I'd say his appearance is a Robert Deniro meets Joshua Jackson mesh. Don't ask....it's just what I saw!!! Anyway...you wouldn't think you were going to get much out of this guy...except that he came on at 8:55pm and only 2 people had been let through so far! He belted out some Sam Cooke "Change is Gonna Come" and then gave us a sample of some Ray Charles (?? not sure what song it was). The guy is bringing some old school to the table. He definitely has some pipes...and his stage presence was mimicking the greats of Cooke/Charles. But...he may be a one trick poney. We've seen it many times before. But...I want to believe this guy is gonna stick around for awhile. I think he brings something different to the table...let's see what he can do with it. Who cares if he started greying at 15! (Did he ever say how old her was now?? lol)

Anyways...we're almost done...One more night...one more city (and I'm sorry...I forget what city it is...but we'll know soon enough!) Then the hollywood rounds. THEN this blog will become more meaningful. 2 more weeks...we can get through this if we can stick together! See you tomorrow!

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